I can't even remember what was said about my singing abilities.
All I remember was that my mom told me I shouldn't be focusing so much on the area that I wasn't as talented in, and immediately the doubt monster took the opportunity to creep up on me, my feelings and my self-assurance.

I love singing, as well as music in general. I wanted so badly to join the school choir. But when those feelings of doubt came upon me, I suddenly doubted my ability to sing. I felt terribly lame and inferior to the singers/vocalists in church as well as in school. I didn't dare to go for the choir audition, and just stuck to piano. As ashamed as I was for being a chicken, two conflicting sentences were whirling around in my mind. 'Why am I doubting my ability?' and 'Do I even have any ability to doubt?', the second one obviously being the doubt monster at work. My mom, to her defense, never said that I couldn't sing, she just said that I should focus more on my piano, which has always been my strength.

This is how easy it is for God's people to doubt themselves. The bible says that the devil comes to 'kill, steal and destroy' - our homes, our lives and our self-esteem.

Psalm 139:13-14 says:

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."

1 Peter 3:3-4 says:

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

Isaiah 43:4 says:

"...you are precious in my eyes, honoured, and I love you."

I like to think that with God's help, I can do anything. Reading these verses just make me feel so warm and happy, instead of feeling empty and worthless when the doubt monster attacks. I have learnt, that we have to be careful, for the devil will make use of this 'doubt monster' to attack our self-confidence, and cause us to waste energy, emotions and time on being unhappy with ourselves.

I just had my choir audition today, and I got in to the Senior Girls' choir, Cantabile, where I will be both choir member and accompanist. Isn't God good?

Now there is one last thing I have to do:
I rebuke you, in Jesus Name, 'doubt monster'. You will never, ever be in the way of me serving the Lord with the gifts God has given me, and I will not let you affect the way I look at myself. For I am fearfully and wondefully made by God Himself, blessed abundantly with musical gifts, (which definitely includes singing). God loves me, loves how I sing and I am so sure of it. So move aside, in Jesus Name I pray. I have no room in my mind or heart for you.


:)

"You can do law. Or journalism. Something along that line."
What happened to the childhood world of 'You can be anything, as long as you believe?'
Really though, reality is such that there are prerequisites for anything you wish to do. I'm at such a disadvantage really, as compared to my peers. I don't know what I want to do in life, I don't have any solid aspirations for my 'dream Uni course'. I'm just a teenager, lost in between the conflicting worlds of fantasy and reality. What am I supposed to do, God? My friends here, they know what they want to do, their pathway for them seems so...clear. They know their goal in life and they plan early for it. They have their dream jobs in their minds, at such a young age, and take the subjects to begin their long journey ahead. Me? I've spent too much time dreaming about the novelty of various jobs, never once has ANY job idea ever made me go, 'OH I want to do that!'. So here I am now, doing subjects that others would consider 'easy', with not much interest in the occupations that stem from these.

This is the bad thing about not having compulsory subjects (with the exception of english and math) I guess. You can choose freely, but you have to be careful about it. My friends spent 3 years thinking about their future, I spent 30 minutes thinking before being rushed to fill out a form. Not that I don't like my subjects, I really do, but why is it that whenever I think about Uni courses or my job in the future, I feel an impenetrable sense of dread?

God, I so very badly want to find an aspiration for my life. I'm just so...clueless right now. It just feels like the phrase I've always said - '...when I grow up' is happening right now, and I feel like I am being thrust headfirst with not a clue where I am going. My job options are hard pressed upon me, and I just know that you have something better for me than just these two occupations. I just want so much find an aspiration that I can look forward to and be excited for. This is so hard, God. I'm feeling blindly through a dark hallway and I can't see what's at the end. I need some light oh God, I do so want to believe that you will lead me on to a path that I have the passion for. I want a job that I can look forward to and shine for you. I want it so badly.

Help me God, that even if I land up in a job that I might not like now, that you will give me an open heart to accept it and grant me peace in my heart to know that you will be there to help me through. I need your guidance so badly God.

Thank you God.